a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
