If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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