New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
