I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
