I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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