I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You need Xanax blowdarts
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
