No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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