I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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