We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
