About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
