What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
