Will you blow on my dice?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
