I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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