i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
