My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
