when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
