he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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