Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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