Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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