Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
