I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i will never coherently bang her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
