garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
