the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
