We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
