after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
