the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
