I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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