Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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