It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
