I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
