And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
