my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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