Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
