I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
