sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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