It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
