Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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