i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
