She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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