Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
