you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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