Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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