Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
