Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
