Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
