What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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