I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
