So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
