I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
