remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
