The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think i have two assholes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
