I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
