she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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