If that was your dad, he is hot
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
