I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
