i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
